Long Blog is LOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGG! :D

Wow, lots of stuff going on lately.

Last week out of no where my mother stopped drinking.

I went to eat lunch with her when she said “I quit drinking.”

I did not know how to reply to that. I never expected to hear anything like that from my mother before in my entire life. I had completely given up on her.

 My response was a simple, “Oh yeah?”

I didn’t know what else to say. I haven’t asked her what exactly made her quit, anytime it gets brought up she just says “It was just stupid.”

She has been an alcoholic for about 13 years. Every single day she would drink herself to sleep. (AKA drinking until you pass out.) It started with a ‘few’ beers a night. At first it was no big deal, but a few beers became more and more. She would blame her drinking on everything from my siblings to having nothing better to do. She has been drunk for all but 2 years of Scout’s life and my little brother, Gage, has never known my mom sober.

I hate my mother when she is drunk. I have hated my mother for 13 years.

13 years ago my mom was an awesome mom. She had a job, she took care of herself, she took care of her family. We could all talk to her about anything. She had a very bright personality. Then it just changed.  All of that was gone. I know she will not go back to being the person she was, but maybe just a sliver of that person remains so that Scout and Gage will have a chance to get to know her. That is my hope.

Of course hope is the one thing I am trying not to have right now. I do not want to get my hopes up thinking she is finally over it. Then have them crashing down if she slips.  It has only been a week. The first week in 13 years. That is an awesome week. I am proud of my mother for her first week. Will I be proud of her second week? We’ll see…

——-

College orientation was last week Friday! WOO HOO! It was awesome! I got to meet my Instructors, fellow students, and got a tour of the school! For the first time in my life I felt ‘old.’ It was a very strange feeling.

When I got there, my pants covered in coffee, 40 mins early, and a nervous wreck, I had to go get my name tag.

Jenna- Computer Science and Networking Technology, I like the sound of that!

It was the orientation for students accepted in:

• General Machining
• Engineering Drafting/CAD
• Industrial Instrumentation & Control
• Industrial & Commercial Wiring
• Computerized Manufacturing Technology
• Carpentry/Construction Technology
• Computer Science and Networking Technology (CSNT)
• Powerline
• Powerline Technology
• Biotechnology Lab Tech

So yeah, so far I was the only girl. Oh great. I went to take my student ID picture, I of course kept BEEFY on in the pic. YAY! (That is going to be awesome, LOL!) Then I wandered around looking for other CSNT students. None. Damn.

I did notice that about 90% of the students there were Powerline students. I have no idea what that is. I mean I know what  a powerline is, but are that many people interested in them..?

We were all gathered into a room and got the run down of the school, everything from the rules to how to buy books with your financial aid was covered. Then we got a tour and I got to feel old.

I was the only girl in a group of 21. I was the only CSNT student in the group too, LOL! Everyone else was Powerline. I was also probably the oldest. I was the only one who did not have their parents with.  During the tour I asked about 56,783,948,765 questions. Every room we went into I had a question. I was starting to annoy myself, but I really needed to know the answers.  I heard a few of the guys say “That lady keeps asking questions, we should be done by now!” They called me ‘THAT LADY’  wow. I have never been called that before. I wanted to say that I would not be able to just ask my mommy and daddy later, I had to find out now…but no, I said nothing. I continued asking questions though!

After the tour we broke up into our areas of study. I finally got to see who my fellow CSNT students would be! A whopping total of 8 students! My brother-in-law Sean being one of them! LOL! Man, Iowa schools are awesome.

We met our Instructor. He is just awesome. I thought I would be extremely intimidated by him, but no.  He gave us some of his back story, completely lost his train of thought, told about how he used to work in corrections, the navy, was certified in Cisco, and a ton of other stuff. He went on and on til we were all comfortable. He said some of his students went on and worked at DDC after college! I have been working there for 3 1/2 years! That made me laugh. Whoopie DDC, lol, I am going to college so that I can move on from there.  Small classes, awesome Instructor! w00t! Why was I so afraid of college before? It is going to be great!

If I haven’t said it already (5,463,784,576 times, hahaha!)  will be studying Computer Science and Networking Technology!

My first classes are:

• Computer Science
• Networking Principles & Applications
• Computer Architecture
• Small Business Management
• Introduction to Computers

For a total of  16 credits!

‘Holy balls Jenna! How are you going to go to school FULL TIME and work FULL TIME!?’ Is pretty much what I thought to myself…

I got the class schedule…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! All of the classes are in the morning except Small Business Management and Intro to Computers! I work in the morning! I cannot go to school unless I am working full time. Crap. I had planned to only go to school part-time. Crap. Then I talked to my Instructor, and he said I needed to register for any class I was interested in so that I would have a spot saved. I could come back and adjust my classes as needed, but in order to be in the CSNT program I have to take Computer Science, Networking Principles & Applications, and Computer Architecture. All the morning ones.

I also found out I tested out of Intro to Computers. NICE! So I didn’t have to worry about that one.

After orientation I went to work and set up a meeting request with my boss.  *Gulp*

—-

Today was the big day! I had my meeting with my boss. It was at 11am,  it lasted until 12:30pm. That is a long ass meeting.

I went to my boss’ office. Luckily for me, my boss and I are buddies.  So I wasn’t too nervous but I was still wondering how she would respond to my school schedule. In the meeting request I had told her that if I could not adjust my hours and continue to work full time, with my school schedule, I would be forced to choose one or the other. I did NOT tell her I would have to chose work over school, because I still have bills and they still need to be paid.

I sat in her office and went over a mock schedule she had built for me. It was based off me coming into work right after school, unfortunately we could only get it to 35 hours. I need 40 hours to keep my benefits.

We messed around with the schedule a bunch and I was getting rather bummed out. Well there goes school…

Then she told me that Data Entry would be getting a new client. She went on and on about how we would have to start a night shift as we do not have enough computers or people to get all the work we would have done. I wasn’t following her, I mean sure I work in Data Entry sometimes but my main departments are Scanning and Clerical. I do not type fast enough to really be much help in Data Entry, but I do what I can. Then just out of no where she offered me a STAFF POSITION as SUPERVISOR of the night shift! Holy freaking balls awesome!!! I said. “Well, that sounds like it would work.” (I was crapping my pants at the time.)

I will be a supervisor when we get our new client in…that’s the problem though. We can build mock schedules, I can fill my office with action figures,  and we can talk about it all we want, but I will not 100% know my hours until we start getting in the work. That could be a month from now, it could be tomorrow, it all depends on the client. However, I do know she will keep me at 40 hours (YES!!) and it will not interfere with my school schedule. School comes first, my boss even said so. (I had her write it down and sign it so the first day she wants me to come in and I have school I can show her what she said…LOL!) Today has been pretty awesome!

We are going to start the hiring process asap. Before the week is out. I have never hired, interviewed, or anything, anyone ever before so I am pretty nervous, but I like that I get to be a part of the hiring process. It will help me get to know the employees that I will BE THE BOSS OF! Hehehehe! Freaking awesome!

I have a meeting at the school tomorrow to finalize everything and talk about just how many credits I am taking.  LOL! I should probably find out if I am full or part-time, hahaha!

Good day today. I should probably go and clean now…but why ruin it? I am going to get sit on my butt and play some FFXII! w00t!

Work Time Fun

I don’t know what it is with animals..

Tuesday at work I was in the garage. I spend a lot of my work day in there. I can slack around, there are no cameras and I am the only one in the building who knows where everything belongs and what gets shipped when, how to store the documents, etc.  So if I take forever in the garage no one can really say that I took forever cause no one really knows what exactly I do while I am in there, so no one knows how long it should take, LOL! Luckily for me you need security clearance to get in there and I can always hear when someone is coming.  (People from work if you stumbled across this little blog of mine…I am just kidding, heh. I work my ass off in the garage, I hate it in there…and stuff.)

So yeah, I was texting in the garage when I heard something weird. I looked up and saw a black shadow fly above me. I ran out of the garage! I went to my boss’ office and told her that we may have a bat or bird in the garage. She was not happy. She was afraid the bird was going to mess with the electrical system. She also did not like that the bird had access to the whole building since the ceiling is open above everything.  Luckily I was supposed to clock out of work at 3:30pm it was 3:20pm! Not my problem!

An hour later I was still in the garage trying to get the bird out.

I had no luck. I left the garage door open to the outside. So the bird could be free. Unfortunately the bird didn’t want to be free. He liked the garage. I could not leave the garage while the door was open so I decided to name the bird. I didn’t know if it was girl or a boy so I decided it would be a boy with a girl name. His name is Oprah. Oprah was very easily confused. He kept looking outside then flying like he was going to leave. Instead he would fly up above the garage door and stand there wondering where the ‘outside’ he just saw went…

Eventually I told my boss I was going home.

The next day as I walked around the building I noticed Oprah had made himself more comfortable. He now flew above the ceiling tiles in Clerical. We could not see him, but we could hear him. Later in the morning I was cutting open some mail when I heard a scream from the garage and then heard my coworker run out. She came into the cutting room in a panic about how there was something in the garage.

Opps, I forgot to tell Terri about Oprah. Oh darn. Hehehehe!

I went with her in the garage, she was scared. I have no idea why. I mean it was a bird. Yes I have see the movie. Yes it sucked. I was starting to tell Terri that birds are not scary unless they are pecking your eyes out and that wasn’t happening…yet.  That is when I saw Oprah, he was on the ground picking up leaves with his beak. I told Terri to open the garage door. Then I had an idea.

Since I had just come from the cutting room I had a ton of rubber bands around my wrist. (I cut and bundle the mail, blah blah blah)  I have exceptional aim with rubber bands. I think it is just good hand-eye coordination from playing video games all day, plus I kill spiders with rubber bands when there are no household cleaning products around.

I started shooting rubber bands at Oprah. I felt bad but he had to get out of the garage. My first one missed. My second one, Oprah was not so lucky. It hit him right in the head. Poor Oprah. I grabbed some box lids and went to pick him up. I couldn’t tell if I just knocked him out or if I killed him. He wasn’t moving.

I took him outside. Meanwhile Terri found a stick. She poked him a few times. Nothing. Well crap, I didn’t mean to kill him.

She got her water bottle and poured a drop of water on him.

Nothing.

Awww damn.

Then I went to tell the boss the bird was out. She came to see him. When she got outside, to my suprise Oprah got up and started flying almost right back into the still open garage! LOL! I think that is where he was trying to go but he was flying very wobbly! He was alive! YAY!

If you see a black bird that is flying in circles, into to trees, or towards the ground then say ”Hi” to Oprah for me!

When I Grow Up…?

I have been going around reading blogs today. Decided I would write one.  Not sure what it will be about, we’ll see.  I am in a weird mood lately. I had been stressing about taking my college placement test. I haven’t been in school for about, hmmm, I graduated in 2003 then took a year of online college courses, which I was to lazy to complete so I wouldn’t really count…so it’s been about 5-6 years. A long enough time to get out of the studying habit.

To be honest I never really studied. Sure if I had a history test I would memorize everything the day before, but is that really studying? When it came to school either I understood what I was learning and just knew it…or I didn’t.  If I didn’t understand something, I would just memorize it, keep it in my head for as long as I needed it, then it was just gone.  I never asked questions or even talked in high school.

Not sure where I was going with that. I took my COMPASS test yesterday and got the following scores out of 100:

Algebra: 94

Pre-algebra: 92

Writing: 84

Reading: 99

Damn, I want to be a writer and that was my lowest score. I tested out of over a year of classes! (W00t!) I will be able to start at the intermediate level with all courses if I chose to do so and I could even skip to the advanced in some. AWESOME! Ok ok, I am kinda bragging, heh.

I do not think of myself as ‘smart’ at all. I read so much stuff I do not understand. I talk to people I don’t understand. I read blogs I don’t understand. It seems like everyone else understands,  just not me. So getting high scores really did surprise me. I was proud of myself, I do not think I have ever been proud of myself before. It is a weird feeling.

You know when you are young and you think, “I want to be a _____ when I grow up.”  You have so many possibilities, then somehow time goes by and  all those possibilities just disappear and you are working at some job just to pay the bills. It’s not what you wanted to do but it is not a bad job really.  You start to talk yourself out of reaching your dreams…”Sure I am not an astronaut, but that was never realistic to begin with.” … and then you just accept what you have. You’re comfortable, you may even be happy, but every now and then you still wonder “What if…” I know first hand what it is like to live like that. The days just go by one after another, not really changing much. Weeks, months, and before you know it is years…

Now that I know I am going back to college I am back to that “I want to be a ____ when I grow up” stage. I have so many possibilities, a ton of “What ifs?”. With my test scores I can take any class I want to. What I learn now  is what I will be doing for the rest of my life….I just hope I make the right choice.

What did you want to be when you grew up? …is that what you are doing now?

The Tortoise and …Bitch?

Hi, my name is Dagger and I woke up bitchy today, LOL.

Ok now that you all know that…

I have really being coming out of my ‘shell’ lately. Ever since I have decided to move and I stood up to my ‘problem’, I have been taking charge of my life a little at a time, turning it into the direction I want it to go into. I don’t really know exactly what that direction is right now, so I am kinda going in circles and I feel a bit confused, but I am making some progress and it is great!

I have noticed I have become more social and I am willing to try new things. For example, this weekend I am helping a co-worker paint her house. How awesome is that? In the past I would have made up some excuse as to why I didn’t have the time. Being in a social situation like that would have made me panicky. However when she asked me for my help my response was ‘Heck yeah! I like paint!’ LOL!

A lot of people can tell I am ‘changing’ I am not as quiet as I used to be. If something bothers me, I say it…whether this is a good thing…I do not know. For example:

Work has been stressful this week. My scanning partner has been gone for the entire week so I have been *trying* to do the work of 2 people without going into overtime. (Overtime = Death Sentence) Today, I was making some copies when a co-worker started telling me all this stuff to do. She was not asking, she was telling. I simply do not have time for her shit this week.

So, I stopped her mid-sentence and said, “Congratulations on your promotion!”

She gave me a puzzled look and then said, “I didn’t get a promotion.”

I then said, “Oh, then why are you telling me what to do?”

I giggled at myself cause I thought it was pretty funny and I was in disbelief that I had actually said that. She didn’t find it all that funny….She went to the boss. 30 minutes later I was in the Boss’s office, really nervous. I told my boss exactly what happened…she laughed, she thought it was funny too!

‘In my shell Dagger’ would have not said anything, she would have just sat at her scanner, getting pissed at her co-worker, never saying anything and she would have done what her co-worker was asking, even though it was not her responsibility and she did not have the time.

I have been told by a few close people that I have been changing for a while now, but now I am really starting to see it. I think I like it.

By the way, I am probably putting a PS3 on layaway this Saturday! At least I hope I am, I do not know how all that stuff works. If I spent my ‘moving money’ to buy a PS3 I would feel really guilty about it. If I put it on layaway and don’t spend any of the moving money I have saved on it then w00t, it is a much better feeling, even though I will have to wait a bit longer for it! 

Wow, I have been writing a lot lately, lol.

Dagger in a DRESS!

Just kidding…

I feel like writing but I do not know about what so I will just type and see what happens.

A lot has been happening lately, a lot of good and a lot of bad. Ever since people found I have been moving, they have wanted to hang out with me. Where were they for the past 10 years I have lived here? I mean, why did they all wait until I decided I was going to move to finally accept me? Not that it changes anything, I am just confused by it.

Work has been back and forth. I have become somewhat of a slacker. I get my work done really really fast….then go in the garage and text, LOL. I have that “You can’t fire me cause I quit” attitude about the place now and I just don’t care. It is kinda nice. My boss actually came up to me and said, “You look like you have a case of the Fuck Its.” and I told her I did. She just laughed it off and said, “Me too.” then walked away. There are about 3 people in the office who have regular cases of the Fuck Its: Me, My Boss, and One of the Clerical Coordinators. We all just sorta eat candy and text all day. We get our work done, but it is not exactly our top priority.

These past four days have been an emotional roller coaster. I won’t bore anyone with the details. I have just always had this ‘problem’ I dealt with my whole life. I dealt with it so much I just thought it was normal. I would get hit with the ‘problem’, it would run it course and then it would be over. The ‘problem’ would get it way every time. This time the ‘problem’ did not get it’s way.  In a way I feel liberated from the ‘problem’ but I also want to still help the ‘problem.’ Not because I am caving.

You see the ‘problem’ has never been put in the situation where it didn’t get what it wanted. Now that it has been put in that situation I feel like I have a little power. If the ‘problem’ wants my help then it is going to have to do what I say, my terms. I like that. The ‘problem’ WILL NOT like that. It may not like it so much that it will turn down my offer to help, therefore cannot blame me for anything. I know nothing is my fault, but now the ‘problem’ would have to admit it as well. If the ‘problem’ accepts the terms and my help, then it would be completely eating it’s words. I really like that. Once again gives me this feeling of power over the ‘problem’. I would not be caving in, I would be putting the ‘problem’ in a very tough position and either way it is win win for me. That is just, well it puts a smile on my face.

I would have never stood up to the ‘problem’ if I didn’t have the friends I have back me up. I have never had that and it is just a great feeling, knowing that whatever happens they will still be there. Thanks.