When I Grow Up…?

I have been going around reading blogs today. Decided I would write one.  Not sure what it will be about, we’ll see.  I am in a weird mood lately. I had been stressing about taking my college placement test. I haven’t been in school for about, hmmm, I graduated in 2003 then took a year of online college courses, which I was to lazy to complete so I wouldn’t really count…so it’s been about 5-6 years. A long enough time to get out of the studying habit.

To be honest I never really studied. Sure if I had a history test I would memorize everything the day before, but is that really studying? When it came to school either I understood what I was learning and just knew it…or I didn’t.  If I didn’t understand something, I would just memorize it, keep it in my head for as long as I needed it, then it was just gone.  I never asked questions or even talked in high school.

Not sure where I was going with that. I took my COMPASS test yesterday and got the following scores out of 100:

Algebra: 94

Pre-algebra: 92

Writing: 84

Reading: 99

Damn, I want to be a writer and that was my lowest score. I tested out of over a year of classes! (W00t!) I will be able to start at the intermediate level with all courses if I chose to do so and I could even skip to the advanced in some. AWESOME! Ok ok, I am kinda bragging, heh.

I do not think of myself as ’smart’ at all. I read so much stuff I do not understand. I talk to people I don’t understand. I read blogs I don’t understand. It seems like everyone else understands,  just not me. So getting high scores really did surprise me. I was proud of myself, I do not think I have ever been proud of myself before. It is a weird feeling.

You know when you are young and you think, “I want to be a _____ when I grow up.”  You have so many possibilities, then somehow time goes by and  all those possibilities just disappear and you are working at some job just to pay the bills. It’s not what you wanted to do but it is not a bad job really.  You start to talk yourself out of reaching your dreams…”Sure I am not an astronaut, but that was never realistic to begin with.” … and then you just accept what you have. You’re comfortable, you may even be happy, but every now and then you still wonder “What if…” I know first hand what it is like to live like that. The days just go by one after another, not really changing much. Weeks, months, and before you know it is years…

Now that I know I am going back to college I am back to that “I want to be a ____ when I grow up” stage. I have so many possibilities, a ton of “What ifs?”. With my test scores I can take any class I want to. What I learn now  is what I will be doing for the rest of my life….I just hope I make the right choice.

What did you want to be when you grew up? …is that what you are doing now?

The Tortoise and …Bitch?

Hi, my name is Dagger and I woke up bitchy today, LOL.

Ok now that you all know that…

I have really being coming out of my ’shell’ lately. Ever since I have decided to move and I stood up to my ‘problem’, I have been taking charge of my life a little at a time, turning it into the direction I want it to go into. I don’t really know exactly what that direction is right now, so I am kinda going in circles and I feel a bit confused, but I am making some progress and it is great!

I have noticed I have become more social and I am willing to try new things. For example, this weekend I am helping a co-worker paint her house. How awesome is that? In the past I would have made up some excuse as to why I didn’t have the time. Being in a social situation like that would have made me panicky. However when she asked me for my help my response was ‘Heck yeah! I like paint!’ LOL!

A lot of people can tell I am ‘changing’ I am not as quiet as I used to be. If something bothers me, I say it…whether this is a good thing…I do not know. For example:

Work has been stressful this week. My scanning partner has been gone for the entire week so I have been *trying* to do the work of 2 people without going into overtime. (Overtime = Death Sentence) Today, I was making some copies when a co-worker started telling me all this stuff to do. She was not asking, she was telling. I simply do not have time for her shit this week.

So, I stopped her mid-sentence and said, “Congratulations on your promotion!”

She gave me a puzzled look and then said, “I didn’t get a promotion.”

I then said, “Oh, then why are you telling me what to do?”

I giggled at myself cause I thought it was pretty funny and I was in disbelief that I had actually said that. She didn’t find it all that funny….She went to the boss. 30 minutes later I was in the Boss’s office, really nervous. I told my boss exactly what happened…she laughed, she thought it was funny too!

‘In my shell Dagger’ would have not said anything, she would have just sat at her scanner, getting pissed at her co-worker, never saying anything and she would have done what her co-worker was asking, even though it was not her responsibility and she did not have the time.

I have been told by a few close people that I have been changing for a while now, but now I am really starting to see it. I think I like it.

By the way, I am probably putting a PS3 on layaway this Saturday! At least I hope I am, I do not know how all that stuff works. If I spent my ‘moving money’ to buy a PS3 I would feel really guilty about it. If I put it on layaway and don’t spend any of the moving money I have saved on it then w00t, it is a much better feeling, even though I will have to wait a bit longer for it! 

Wow, I have been writing a lot lately, lol.